I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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