I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
