dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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