Pregnant stripper...not hot.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize