I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
