She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
