i think my tv is drunk
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
