my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
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