Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
