I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize
