clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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