Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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