Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
