were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
