Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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