Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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