Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
