guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Randomize
