I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
It's shark week go big or go home
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
