Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
