Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
