I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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