dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
