the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
