Who did Billy Mays play for?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
God, I missed his penis.
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