At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He better not be in your backpack
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
