Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
