Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
