I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
