Three words: puerto rican gang bang
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
