I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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