4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
