Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
im holly from the hills drunk
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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