I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
