Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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