I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
