Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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