guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
