His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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