i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
