Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
It's blow job season.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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