i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize