not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
