ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
