I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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