Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
