you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
i black out too much to be "responsible"
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
