i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
