Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
