You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
