I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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