Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
