God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
