I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
