Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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