when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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