Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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