I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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