Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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