i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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