honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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