And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
