That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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