If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
