On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Randomize
