Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize