First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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