why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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