At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
