Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
