found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
