dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
