I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
