so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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