You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
