your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Sober January is a disaster.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
