in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Still dying that you shit outside
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
