You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
