Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I am one with the molecules
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
